"IF YOU CUT US, WE BLEED CLARET AND BLUE!"

WEIGH-IN WEDNESDAY

Ok, another week, another pound off - I do like what Kate said last week.."Plays have been written about a pound of flesh" Cindy is now well & truly on my case. She's hidden the bread, and when I asked where it was this morning she refused to tell me - so you all have an ally in your camp! Take a look below how amazing Bruce Jenner, from the Kardashian family looks now....

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

"CALL ME DORIS"

THE FA CUP

Ever since you boys could play with your dicks,  you've supported Aston Villa. I remember the first football match I ever went to - it was with you boys - when we were taken to Birmingham in a coach from Chipping Campden to see Villa,  by our Cleaner/Nanny Rose's husband Brian. Go Villa! Over the years, Scarfs, Shirts, etc sporting the recognisable Blue & Purple colours of your team,  have appeared on each and every one of you.

I was in the village last Friday and I came across this Villa fan called Graeme Kimberley who told me he was going to the match on the Saturday. The actor John Marquez who plays the Policeman in Doc Martin also turned out to be a Villa supporter. He was going to the match as well - thanks to a ticket from a builder friend who is working on Villa Player Charles N'Zogbia's new house. I later heard tickets were being bought for £1200.

 Here is John Marquez sporting his new iWatch from Apple!

REPORT from SANTA BARBARA

The game was due to kick off at 9:30AM PT. I had set my alarm for 8AM but like a child on Christmas morning I was awake by 7AM and ready to go! My housemate and I drove to the local market and I picked up two 30 racks of Busch Light beer (a beer flavored water drink the Americans created), two dozen eggs, chips, salsa, bread, and milk. 

When we got home I began preparing breakfast for my house and for the friends that I had invited over. Slowly they began to trickle in, unfortunately I was fairly outnumbered and four of the men sitting in my living room where draped in Arsenal colors. My girlfriend Andrea and I were the only ones wearing the Aston Villa colors with pride, however I had placed a Villa scarf over the bar that we built in my living room (known in the neighborhood as the ‘The Slab’). 

All 15 of my guests were full with eggs on toast and had a beer in hand—it was kick off time! Immediately I could see that Arsenal were going to be too much for us. They passed the ball superbly in the midfield and came at us with everything they had. Our defense was fantastic for the first half and Given put in a masterclass performance, but our midfield seemed afraid by the task ahead of them and lacked creativity and awareness. I almost forgot that we had Benteke on the field, a player who some teams have valued at 35M but I saw nothing worth the evaluation. 

With every goal the room fell more silent. The Americans who wore their Arsenal colors could see the pain I felt toward the game as I sat with my chin resting on my arms flat on the bar. They were brilliant about not rubbing salt in the wound. As the final whistle blew, and I struggled to fight back tears realizing it may be years until we get another opportunity to win a trophy, my friends thanked me for having them over and apologized for the result. We all shotgunned a beer outside and toasted to Arsenal’s victory. I will simply add that day to the many hard days I have experienced as an Aston Villa fan. 

REPORT  from SAN DIEGO

Jenny and I went down to San Diego last weekend to meet our new God son, Griffin. Jenny had done some serious investigating and found a traditional English pub in the area! It was called Shakespeare, and it had everything you needed and more! We walked in at 9am, 30 minutes before kick off and it was packed full of fans. We were amazed. Lots of Arsenal fans with a sprinkling of Villa supporters. 

We watched the game, drank beers and ate beans on toast, it was perfect, that is until Arsenal crushed our hopes and dreams. Villa were dominated and outclasses, so no real complaints, just very sad is all. But all in all we had a wonderful time visiting Elizabeth, Kyle, Jack and the latest addition to the family, Griffin! 

REPORT from BARCELONA

Caption for image: Elisa did a great job prepping me for the game with a set of cheap water colors. After a nice afternoon pregaming on the beach I stumbled off to a huge gringo spots bar to watch the final — the place was heaving with gloating Arsenal fans and I left with my tail firmly between my legs. 

To preface this — my brothers and I have been ardent Aston Villa fans since the dawn of time. We have cheered and wept for them for decades, and if you cut us, we bleed claret and blue. 

The FA Cup final between Villa and Arsenal played out over the weekend and it was a depressing affair. It could have been the most significant victory for the villains in my lifetime. We won the European cup in '82, three years before I was born, and since then have only won the League Cup — a great achievement, though a lesser trophy than the FA. 

Instead, it was a day of crushing disappointment. Not only did we lose, we were outplayed in every aspect of the game (after also suffering a recent 6-0 thrashing in the league) suggesting that this cup run was a one-off and we may not get another shot for some time. 

That said, it was an uncharacteristically exciting season for a Villa fan. There is no denying that we have been a consistently mid-table team for two decades, usually finishing firmly between 6th and 16th. This year was full of ups and downs, including a relegation battle and a cup final. We also witnessed the breakthrough season for youngster Jack Grealish — a future star who I hope we manage to hold on to for a few seasons. 

Up the Villa!

MAISIE'S ILLUSTRATION:

Our three-year-old son has huge tantrums every time we take his tablet from him. He is a bit of a handful most of the time, but coming up to bedtime, particularly, he gets angry and will be screaming and crying at us when we tell him to finish up on the tablet. He is really good in crèche but from the moment we pick him up he just whinges for his tablet and is never satisfied until we give it to him. He even lashed out at my husband the other day. We get cross with him but it doesn’t seem to stop the tantrums?

OMG! This just sounds like every child I ever had & then some!

DAVE - THE PORT ISAAC ARTIST

Dave Danson-Hill who made:

"The Rhino on the Hill"

Dave sent me some photos of his other works like The Elephant above.

He made this Lion for The Golden Lion Pub.

These he made for Port Isaac for Christmas.

DOC MARTIN

This episode of "Doc Martin" had the delightful Caroline Quenton in it. The last time she worked with Martin Clunes was over 17 years ago when they were both in "Men Behaving Badly" She played a wackey Vet who self medicates herself with drugs meant for her dogs. Martin saves the day of course,  but it also gave him a chance to work with his favourite animals - dogs!

"FLOATERS"

During the week I woke up with something very strange in my left eye. It looked like little specs of dirt that moved every time I moved my eye. When I went to see the doctor about it he told me it was very common: On Saturday I went to the Royal Cornwall Hospital in Truro to have an eye examination - all is fine. It's an age thing of course - and I only need worry if I start seeing flashes.

The vitreous humour is the gel-like substance which fills the space in the eye between the lens and the retina. It is primarily composed of water with the remainder being hyaluronic acid and collagen fibers. It is transparent which enables light to pass through while the gel form provides support to the retina and helps the eye hold its shape, essentially acting as a shock absorber.

However, if the vitreous gel begins to degenerate it loses its form and liquefies – a process referred to as syneresis. Eventually the vitreous can peel away from the retina entirely in what is known as a Posterior Vitreous Detachment (PVD). Without the stable gel form, the collagen fibers can collapse upon themselves, bind together to condense into clumps and knots, and become mobile. These fibers cast shadows on the retina and appear as spots, strings, or cobwebs in the visual field and are commonly referred to as eye floaters.

Now most of you are thinking FLOATERS? There's only one kind of FLOATERS we know!!

On Friday we went to dinner with the Slomans - the Farming Family who own the barn where we house our Filming Sets for Doc Martin. Dame Eileen Atkins was there as well and when I started to talk about "Floaters" she said she'd got them too. She then went on to say "Floaters" about 3 or 4 times by which the end of the table comprising of the Sloman bothers, Miles (24) Philip (18) Henry (15) and Cindy (54) were in hysterics and desperately trying to keep a straight face. IT WAS VERY FUNNY INDEED!

MY FRENCH FAN